Today was tough. My anxiety has been through the roof. I’ve been trying really hard to plan for the future while remaining in the present. Sometimes I feel like I am hydroplaning in the mud. I felt so much anxiety today that I found myself sitting on my bathroom floor, in my towel, praying to St. Jude to intercede on my behalf.
After a weird walk to work, which included having my phone service turned off and a homeless man jumping out of a corner and rubbing his hair on my face, I bought a cup of coffee and tried to regroup for a brief moment before meeting up with my client. I put on Florence and the Machine’s “St. Jude” and sipped my coffee trying to have faith that everything will be all right. The British songstress, Florence Welch, sings of her own personal turmoil and refers to a feminized St. Jude, the patron saint of lost causes. I saw Florence and the Machine perform at the Masonic a few months back. While she sang, I imagined St. Jude listening and praying for all who might feel lost in the world.
I had to go to another location for work, but was completely out of money for bus fare, so I had to walk (about two miles). On my way to my second location, I decided to take a brief pit stop at St. Dominic’s Catholic Church in Pacific Heights as they have a shrine to St. Jude. Walking, I began to cry, thinking about the lyrics:
And I’m learning, so I’m leaving
And even though I’m grieving
I’m trying to find the meaning
Let loss reveal it
Let loss reveal itSt. Jude, the patron saint of the lost causes